I know that you don’t owe me so I shouldn’t ask for more and I shouldn’t feel so let down at times when you don’t call.
But I would have stayed here with you all night.
As he begin to raise his voice, lower yours, grant him one last choice. Drive until you lose the road, or break with the ones that follow?
These roses lost its red.
You’re still the best more or less, I guess. / It hurts me to say that it hurts me to stay, that it might be alright if you go. It hurts me to say, that I want you to stay but it might be alright if you go./
p>I know, I’ve never been someone who has retaining qualities. I understand people come and go, but I never thought we would fade away along with time. I never thought you would be one of them. Life’s….different. I’m strong but not for this, not when the only person I ever counted on is…leaving. Not when it’s been 7 years. I never thought one day I’ll have to face the fact that you might be leaving me and there’s absolutely nothing I can do. I don’t even know where I went wrong. I don’t even know what’s wrong. I don’t even wanna face up to this, I don’t wanna do this. Cut this out. I wish we could fight. I wish you’ll just talk to me. At least it means we still have a chance at this. God why, I miss my best friend.
Nostalgic. Can’t believe season might end soon. I can’t do without this escape.
And I think it might be time I learn to wish you the best from the bottome of my heart
The halves that half you into half.
Just thought I’ll type a quick post before the game tomorrow; its been long since I even last stopped to ponder about life and its toll on me.
Yes, season is tiring, it is draining, it is not easy to have trainings and practices almost everyday just for a chance to make it count. It’s not easy to try to work my way back to my line, its not easy to work for what I Believe it. It gets even harder when you sit on that cold, hard bench, knowing every inch of you could do so much better and did not deserve any of that. Its not easy to hope, its not easy to cling onto a string, its not easy to carry on when all the odds seems to be against you. Its not easy when you push yourself; instill doubts in yourself; constantly pushing yourself and yet something seems to be amiss in your play. The last time I ever shot, as a forward, and got goals in, felt good about it was the RJ friendly. That was 3 months ago since I fell down to my lowest. Nope, its not easy to pick yourself up. Its not easy when people around you barely comprehend and all they see is your exhaustion but nobody understands, crudely, nobody cares.
Floorball is not an easy sport. In fact, no sports is easy. Every sportsman deserve credit because behind that few minutes of glory is countless years of training. It takes a few hundred shots, timeless hours to make a perfect shot, to control and make it count, All of that takes effort, and efforts are often neglected. t takes so much to make it big, and people don’t understand. It’s not easy, I’m telling you its not easy, but we all know it’ss worth it, it’s gonna be worth it. You’re constantly in the battle to fight for what you think you deserve and to fight to overcome barriers after barriers. You’re emotionally conflicted most of the time. Everyone around you are fighting their own wars.
But no, there was never a moment where I regretted floorball, despite all of the adversities that it put me through. There was not a moment I regretted playing. There was not a moment where I wanted to sink in the hall of shame and let myself drown. Floorball has taken over my life. Its bittersweet, i’ve lost so much on this course of floorball that I have no idea how am I going to repair such cracks in my life. It brought me heartache, losing people I thought I never would. People stopped understanding. Time to time the loneliness gets too much, too hard to bear. Nevertheless, I’ve never once regretted this journey. Floorball taught me how to fight, how to stand against all odds and get back onto your feet even though you originally thought you couldn’t. Floorball taught me the power of determination. Floorball taught me to be stoic, indifferent to everything around me. I couldn’t shut them up, but I could shut them out. It taught me how to stand up on your feet, on your own two damn feet after falling.
It taught me you could be invincible, as long as you wanted to be.
Sylvia Plath said: “it was so much safer not to feel, not to let the world touch me”
Favourite poet ever.
/ Sometimes its just easier to block everything out that to risk letting it hurt you.